Free Will Bullshit

Que sera sera....

whatever will be will be. I'm starting to feel like its the most futile sort of madness to plan for how you want life to work out. Because whatever is going to happen, seems like it really is just that. Sure I have some limited control over small mundane things that pertain solely to me. I might have some influence over others, but ultimately they are going to do what they want to do. I love and hate that all at once.

Things keep happening beyond all our control. Do things happen in 3's or 30's or 300's? I mean, they're happening all the time, are they not? I get in a car wreck, Angi and Jaime get in a car wreck. Who's next? Or rather, what will be next? And lets hope that the escalation from mine to theirs is not a proportionate indicator of the third to come, should there be a looming third.

Sometimes it feels like it should just be enough to be happy with the way things are. Appreciating and revering each other before something goes awry. I know I am so lucky and things are so good, and yet I find a hundred things to complain about. Shame on me. I should be dancing with all my heart because I have two legs to dance on and I'm not in the hospital right now. What kind of selfish, fucked up existence are we leading? I'm just glad to see how much heart people have when they rally around their friends. Its good to know in what seems like such a cold place as this world that there is goodness. It can make me smile, and I hold out with some faith that we'll make it through the third thing. or the next. Love your friends, please. Who knows what will happen to us.